Wait , Time and Illusion

When someone leaves us, the faster they would go , the slower time will pass for them. In this way , the wait for that person gets longer that it actually has to be . This is due to the fact , that , in relation to the motion of that leaving person , time slows down. Hence , the 'now' moment for these two persons changes. The faster they move, the slower the time will pass for them and finally , the longer the wait would be for that person. The reality is indeed , an illusion , and that's the scariest thing.

Trapped in the hands of time,
Human Potpourri

A Guilt Ridden Heart

Rat problems are quite common in North Kolkata, maybe due to the architecture that helps these rodents to enter our houses so easily. The ground floor of my house is a place , where Tyson (my dog) often goes to hunt Rats. It amuses him. my mom reported today that, since last few days she is seeing little baby mice in the 1st floor and 2nd floor too. Though previously I didn't know this.


This morning was not different than any other mornings. I woke up, got ready for work and went to have my breakfast. My mom asked me to bring her purse from her room for some reason while I was busy in breakfast table.I went to her room, took the purse and was coming back , when , I felt something under my right foot. The room was dark as the windows were all closed due to which it was difficult to see through. I switched on the light and saw the most terrible thing I could ever imagine. There lied a little baby mouse (I believe it was few hours old ) , trembling , with spilled blood all around it.


I GOT STUPEFIED!

I could not move and started crying. My daddy came, saw me and understood the situation. He gave some water to the mouse. In the meantime the mouse stopped moving.

I got scared. I could not accept the fact that this little mouse actually died because of me. I started cursing myself. Breakfast was left on the table as it was. I could not stop myself from crying. My dad wanted to console me but failed. After almost 30 minutes I left for work with a guilt ridden heart. 'Guilt' , according me is the most dangerous emotion. It eats you up from within.

Throughout the day, no matter wherever I went , whoever consoled me, I kept visualizing those trembling limbs of that little creature who died because of me. It felt paralyzing. I wanted to ask God "why did you choose me as a means to take it's life?" . I kept imagining how terrible it is for mothers who loose their children , give birth to dead babies or abort them. I kept asking God  "why did you send that little mouse to earth for few hours?" , "why did it come to earth if it was destined to go this soon?". I kept asking myself "what can I do to get rid of this pain that I'm enduring ? the pain of killing (yes killing) an innocent soul.


I presume, I shall keep looking for these answers. I don't know when or if  I'd ever get an answer.


We look for life but death gets found
Science had proven though ,
the World is round
You are not even yours , I'm not even mine.
Still looking for the stars for our life to define.
'Death is far' , says the Life and laughs
'Life is fraud' , the Death reverts 
'they're just pawns in the hands of mine'
Time comprehends through the secret sign.



O little Mouse,
Wherever you are, stay happy , stay blessed,
I hope you find your eternal peace,
I apologize for all the pain I've caused,
I hope you be , where you always wanted to be.
Amen.






With a guilt ridden heart,
Human Potpourri

The Reason, I started this Blog

Since childhood I was into diary writing, though not regularly, but I used to write whenever I was either happy or sad or felt in a different way. Somehow after High School years, I don't know why I stopped writing in my diary. Growing up accompanies 'n' number of responsibilities, frustrations and lessons of adult life. Hence, I was not an exception. In such a circumstance I almost forgot about my writing habit.

In the meantime a heartbreaking end of my love relationship acted as a catalyst . It actually made this circumstance worse. Here , I stopped behaving the way I used to . I was depressed. Being a Psychologist I had a preconceptions about what it is like to be depressed? But, this was the first time when I experienced it. It felt like the world is ending and nothing could be done regarding it. I was trying to hide under my den.

Once I read a quote somewhere ~ " You save everyone, who saves you?" . It really struck me the most during this period of time.The days were full of preoccupations and the nights were lonely and filled with insomnia. I wondered "what a psychologist needs to do during such a time?" , "shall I seek help from someone ?" .

Jeet came into my life as a boon. Jeet ( as I call him ) is a Police Officer at Indian Police Service. He is sincere , hardworking , organized , brave and above all he is a kind person that makes all the difference. Though I hate the concept of stereotyping a job-role , still I could never think of a Police officer like him. Regardless of how many differences we had within ourselves , we had more similarities that helped us to relate to each other. The thing I like the most in him , is that he never makes you feel unwanted , regardless how terribly busy he is almost all the time , he never failed to revert whenever I needed him. I think , this is what a true friend is like . I have very few friends whom I can count on during my struggle hours and most of them are my childhood friends too. Being an introvert it is very difficult to disclose yourself to another individual , though it never acted as an obstacle  for me to mingle with others due to my friendly nature. Even,  until last year I used to think that I'm an ambivert , but I guess 'Time' is the best teacher. Especially after my love relationship break-up , I went through a phase of isolation (thought it was a motivated isolation ) , which taught me so many things about myself. I discovered my true self only after I lost myself . Jeet , out of the blue within a short period of time became very close . He had wisdom, kindness , love to give whenever we talked , as he believes in the art of giving. He believes that we're born on earth to give , no matter if we get something in return or not , but it is our 'karma' to practice giving rather than receiving.

When I got to know about his blog , I was shocked. I couldn't believe that he is into writing. Later , after I went through his blog and Instagram profile , I got to know , that he was never into all this until he fell in love. I got to know what a terrible life he is living after his mother expired . No matter who you are, loosing a parent is a loss that can never be recuperated. The scar remains in you forever. In the meantime , after his mother expired he met this girl he loves , who for some of her own reasons could not reciprocate. And , this made him start writing, painting and what not. Truly, love is something that can convert a criminal to a saint, an artist to a criminal and a cop to an artist.

Jeet, is a person who has and believes in the power of speech, which indeed pulled me out of my den and gave me an assurance that there are a lot of things awaiting in the future , that 'time' is the most precious thing and hence it should be utilized properly  rather than wasting it. He is as strong as Iron with a heart of  Gold , who believes in the power of love and believes in what can happen rather than what could have happened. He inspired me to the core and don't know how he did it, but he brought me back from the dead.

This is how I resumed into writing and finally , to my surprise I started this blog.


“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”

In a planet in dearth of 'friends' like this , a woman with 'luck'
Human Potpourri

Esteem needs?

Since the time I grew an emerging interest in Psychology , I often questioned it's various theories in order to validate it (something , that I've been doing since childhood , about everything). As they say, I have a knack for logical reasoning and inferring relationships , any gap in the knowledge upset me to great extents . It's like something or other have to stimulate my grey cells constantly , otherwise the universe will confront an obvious disequilibrium.  

One such gap in knowledge occurred , when I learned the Maslow's Hierarchy for the first time. Remember Maslow's Hierarchy? Which says, each human being goes through a number of needs (primary to secondary and finally, tertiary ) to reach one's full potential that comprises of highest level of motivation. According to this theory , self actualization is the ultimate need. 'What a man can be, he must be^' this quotation forms the basis of this need. And , to achieve this highest form of need one must not only meet but, master earlier forms of need . They are ~ Physiological need, safety needs, love and belonging and esteem needs respectively. Maslow believed, one must meet an earlier need to achieve the next. Here, my confusion occurred!

I've known people, who are highly motivated in their occupational setup and doing quite well , but, at the end of the day live lonely lives. Some of them, don't have friends, some don't have family , some are the victims of loss of love, while few have a combination of all these together. Regardless this fact , they are highly competent and focused to their work goals. I often wonder, how their esteem needs can be so high , where, they are still struggling with their search for love and belongingness . With this, I recall a memory of a dinner party , that took place years ago , where, I saw this professor of mine (he is a sheer genius in his field of work and holds great recognition and prestige ) in a corner of the dining area , eating on his own.

Yet again, we should remember that 'beauty stands in the eye of the beholder' i.e. everything on Earth is based on perspective. Hence, it may be possible that , they are still striving for their love and belonging needs through their fight to reach the mountains of occupational success as, this will yield them more acceptance by the society, where they will find love. Maybe, it's our shortcoming , that, we with our bare eyes , are unable to see their suffering which mislead us to interpret as their fight for self esteem.
 


More love to them,
Human Potpourri

 

The Difference

We, women believe in the power over our men. We, believe that , because they love us, they would do anything for us. But, the fact is that , though they love us, they love other things more, their notion of honor, of loyalty towards their own gender , of reputation, which is more important for them than our suffering. They would avenge us later , but only when, they would feel that the circumstances would bring them heroic fame. A woman doesn't think that way , she is , hence way too different than a man , when she loves!

With love, a woman of this age

Human Potpourri

Reminder : The best friend was once an enemy , the enemy , a camouflaged Friend!

As we grow up in life , we meet different people. People who befriend with us , people who compete with us , people who love us , people who hate us , people who help us , people whom we help , people who can save you and finally people who can kill you.

You being a kind person, many a times would confront people who will be self centered. They will stick to you like a leach with a purpose, until it's finally met. Who will be an enemy , in the face of a friend .

You should not feel sorry for helping these people who disregard you after they have gained from you. Such people always did exist and they will continue to exist . But this should not bother you, cause you do things that defines you , that makes you who you are. Bothering about these mere beings and feeling sorry for about yourself would probably change the meaning of why you help people and what drives you to empower others. Life is about making choices and hence you choose to do things that makes you who you are . Those misusing it , would be the fools left with nothing, cause I believe , every gain will be followed by a loss and every loss will end up gaining something. So, it's their misfortune that they couldn't sustain you.

Feel sorry for them , not yourself!

With caution a woman of this age,
Human Potpourri