Loneliness |

The melancholy of being lonely is a quiet, pervasive ache, a shadow that lingers even in the brightest of moments. It's not merely the absence of company but the gnawing sense of being unseen, unheard, and disconnected.

Loneliness creates a void that no amount of noise or distraction can truly fill. It's in the silence after the phone doesn't ring, the emptiness of a room meant to be shared, or the longing glance at a world that seems to belong to everyone else.

Loneliness can feel like standing on the edge of a vast chasm, the echoes of your thoughts returning to you, unshared and unacknowledged. Time seems slower, stretching moments of solitude into an eternity. The weight of isolation presses down, not just on the heart but on the soul, eroding the sense of self-worth

Yet, there is a strange beauty in this melancholy. In the stillness, one confronts the depths of their own existence, finding fragments of strength and resilience.

Loneliness becomes both a teacher and a mirror, reflecting truths that crowded moments might obscure. But without connection—a smile, a word, a touch-it remains a somber reminder of humanity's deepest need: to belong, to be known, and to be loved.

Lost in thoughts

Human Potpourri

hard to love! written on 03.09.2016

We are the difficult women. We pop our vitamins by ourselves every night and sleep with alarm clocks sans a snooze. Nobody wrote love songs on us, nobody noticed the mole on the lip. We volunteer for burden, handle the baggage, take the last word. We cover up your mistakes. We gave up fancy dreams to lighten those lines on their foreheads and get their glasses mended in an hour. We lower down the TV volume. We alter life with every tea and biscuit. We pick ourselves up, stitch our own wounds. We are the place we shoulder our head. Nobody offered us jacket in the cold. We are 20 something acting 45. We can fix the leaking tap. We're okay. We know love spelt backwards makes halfway through 'evolving'; and that’s what we're at. We always keep wine in stock. We've paid the price and made our peace. There are no lullabies, only piles of theories. There are no mushy texts, only to-do lists. We know cuts heal faster when nobody can see them and..and we're really difficult to love.

In a World full of easy tasks,

A woman hard to love

Human Potpourri

Self Love Redefined!

Started working out since last few weeks now. And, I am already feeling a little better every day. It took 27 years of my life, to understand how important it is to take care of ourselves both Physically and Mentally, but once it did , it was impossible to stop me. I sailed coz I am a traveller, who is travelling in time towards the future. A future that is long thought.

With determination,

A woman of this era

Human Potpourri

#Lifenote ( on Harry, Love and Happiness)

Love can do wonders! It can help us to let go our biggest fears ; our vice ;  negative emotions, habits and memories. We all are sent here ( Earth) to experience life as the humankind. And love gives us a reason to experience this life ( one and only life) to its fullest.
So, if you love someone , go and tell them how you feel, hold on to them and never let them go.
After all, happiness is a choice. Isn't it?
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https://youtu.be/UwTKqqfS8FQ  -  is the link behind this write up and I request you to watch it before you read this post or reread the post after you watch it ( in case you have already read the post).
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P. S - Headphones recommended
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With a lot of love,
Human Potpourri
( oh yes! I'm back)

Alchemy

It all starts with a single thought. A thought to change. Not change the World but to do something for someone so that their World can be changed. It's a chain reaction you know! You bring positivity in someone's life, then he/she does the same with someone else and it goes on. It all can start with a single thought. A thought that promotes possibility , positivity , optimism, hope, love. It's all in you. You are in charge. It is possible. Just a single thought. A thought that is powerful enough to turn a stone into gold by believing in it. Belief is the key. Cause, those who claim that alchemy is not possible , has merely never believed so deeply.

P.S - Are you an alchemist?

A believer,
Human Potpourri

The Risk

Relationships are one kind of risk. No matter how much you plan, it is still a risk. Sometimes , everything goes well, even when you've found out major turn offs between you and your partner. Whereas, at times someone angel like reveals their true faces to be even worse than a devil. You cannot really say where you will end up in 10 years or 20 years. If you choose a person based on appearance, job, financial background , you must remember that all of this are changeable . Don't look for personality in choosing your partner. Look for their character. Look for their problem solving skills, their intelligence, their decision making ability, their coping skills during stress, their perseverance, frustration tolerance and most importantly their efforts to be with you. The buttery surface of good looks, designer clothes, expensive shoes, furnished penthouse, glittering cars ,it all looks fascinating, but if your core values are different from your partner then it all makes no sense. So, choose wisely!

In a World full of options,
a woman with choices,
Human Potpourri

Love, is all I have.. In the memory of 'Popo' ( Written on 1/10/2017)

Absolutely two months ago (August , 2017 ) , one day , while returning from work , I found a baby pigeon in front of the main gate of my house. It appeared that it had fallen from somewhere during its trial for flying. I took the pigeon inside my house and kept it in the corridor in the ground floor and went upstairs. But somehow I couldn't relax since College Street area is full of rats and cats. I got scared if something happens to the baby bird. And , this is how I decided to keep that bird with me in my room. Every morning I used to give it to my mom for keeping it whole day with her and feed when required. I named that baby bird as 'Popo'. At night, Popo used to sleep with me in its cradle. After few days I discovered that Tyson and Popo has become friends too. I was happy until one day, after returning from work I got to know that Popo isn't there in my place anymore. My dad told me Popo wasn't well since morning and it fainted also. Hence, dad decided to keep Popo with other pigeons in a nearby dovecote. Hearing this I was tearful and scared if Popo is alive or not. I hoped and prayed to God for its health. Since then we have never seen it.

Today, while I was watching a movie on the television , my mom called out " See, a pigeon! " . I found Popo sitting on the edge of my window , looking at me and stretching its feathers. I was spellbound regarding the fact that how a bird can remember us so well even though it was a baby and finally make a move to find us out. I couldn't hold my tears , again!
Long back I've read somewhere, "all the love you have given will come back to you one day " . Today I realized, it does.

With Hope, a woman of this age,
Human Potpourri

#Lifenote ( on Humanity , Friendship and Children )

There's this child in my School (my workplace) , studying in first grade who is a high functioning autistic having above avg intelligence. Everyday, I see his classmates , helping him every now and then (for eg. at luch time, at class, at field etc) eventhough sometimes he gets restless and throws things at them, they never get irritated , they understand him, and most importantly they love him. It really amuses me that how these 5 year olds can empathize better than most of the adults we are dealng with in this era. If only we all could be like these children. May god bless these precious souls and their friendship.

The Banyan Tree

Banyan is one of the oldest species of fig trees .It is a potent symbol of fertility, life and resurrection. Famous for its ample structure and life-saving sunshade while its canopy is the shelter for many lives. No matter who is under its shade, a person or animal , it always provides shelter. The Banyan tree is kind and merciful and always spread its life-saving hand to the needful during the scorching summer days. Its dense canopy saves many from rain. No matter how many times humans cut fig trees like Banyan , it never go against its role , and keeps showering its forgiveness.

Just like the Banyan tree , Women are born with the motherly instinct. No matter she has a child of her own or not , she is a born mother. No matter how others treat them for not planning for a child or not having a child , they would still shower the same amount of motherly love toward a child . But the biggest similarity between a Banyan tree and a woman is , no matter how forgiving they are , whenever you will try to cut its stem , it can fall hard over you too. So be careful with your axe . And, most importantly , be careful with your words.

With a motherly heart , a woman of this age,
Human Potpourri

Birthdays are special!

Birthdays are special. At least for me , I still feel excited when it comes to my birthday. Though it remind us how each year we are getting older , it also does remind us about how we have known about the world more, how we have known people more, how far we have realised who the real friends are , how far we have gone against all the hurdles and above all how much more we can opt for , dream for . Yes, life goes on and so do we. Time never stops for anyone. Not a single one of us. But still we celebrate the passage of time on our birthdays. It gives us an opportunity to cherish 'us'.

Well, if you're​ thinking about why I'm writing this post today as my birthday was last month , I should tell you about this College senior of mine ( who's post pushed me to post this ) . Teesta Di was my senior in bachelor's degree and master's , so ofcourse , it's a long time now that I know her. Yesterday was he birthday for which she came up with a lot of exciting Facebook posts , videos since last few days and we're still counting. No! I didn't bring her into this to say that I don't like all these. Rather, I loved it. It shows how much she loves herself , how much she is proud of her being in this world, how much she feels good about her existence. Not because it's she . Not because it's about a dear senior. But just because, the way she is showing excitement about her birthday, which I think is totally okay.

These days, I hear from a lot of people that they don't even remember their birthdays until somebody wishes them. Even I have Friends​ who does the same, lacking the excitement about their birthdays. They treat it like , it's just another day. I've heard people saying things like ' what's so exciting about birthday ? ' , ' what's the need for us to tell others about our birthdays ' , 'no body even cares when my birthday is , then why should I care ' and what not. Now , tell me, if you , yourself don't be happy about your existence , about the day when you were born , then how can you expect others to do that for you? 

N.B. - Loving yourself for who you are and being a narcissist is two different things. So, do reflect before you judge anyone. And, in case it's about narcissists , then, don't you think we all are that to some extent??


With a huge amount of selflove,
Human Potpourri

Mediocre Rationale

No matter who you are, what you do , how much you earn a month, if you don't have good friends then all these things really are insignificant. We are humble people with humble dreams , living mediocre lives. And, we believe in the power of karma , we believe if we do good then it will pay off positively​. And in case , someone does something bad to us , we believe they will get their part of share for it too. This is how our Mediocrity rationalize things.
Well, on a discussion about present with my childhood friends today at some social gathering , one​ of my friends raised a question about someone from the past and the whereabouts. And, then the conversation took it's pace and continued with more discussion about the minutes. This indeed didn't only act as a reminder of that person but also reminded me how easy things were. I was truly surprised that even today how easily we laughed and had a great time, discussing those little stories from the past. It felt like nothing has changed for an instance. But then reality struck me hard ( as always ) and I regained my mind.

And the conversation went on with other things.

|| Mediocre rationale​ : Thankful to them who stayed. And, thankful the most to them who didn't. || 😊

N.B -- The post above, is not connected to any particular person's life and any resemblance is totally coincidental.

 Warm Regards,
Human Potpourri

Little things #1

Everyday when I return home from work Mansi drops me till where I can get transportation to my home, though her home is before that, still she comes an extra 500meters to drop me . She generally parks her car at such a place where the sunlight is directly falling into the bonnet making it hot as hell. Hence, the seats become unbearably hot . Since last few days what I'm noticing is , whenever​ I open the the gate to sit inside the car , a white towel is already placed there so that I don't get hurt.

This might seem totally nonsensical as it is about a car seat and a towel, but the emotions hidden behind these two says a lot about people who really care for us, as I firmly believe it's the little things that matter.

In life , we will see these two kind of people--
1) Who claim that they care for us and nags it throughout the day
2) Who actually care for us and don't say a word for it ever

I'm grateful that I have people from the second list in my life.


With luck, a woman of this age
Human Potpourri

Wait , Time and Illusion

When someone leaves us, the faster they would go , the slower time will pass for them. In this way , the wait for that person gets longer that it actually has to be . This is due to the fact , that , in relation to the motion of that leaving person , time slows down. Hence , the 'now' moment for these two persons changes. The faster they move, the slower the time will pass for them and finally , the longer the wait would be for that person. The reality is indeed , an illusion , and that's the scariest thing.

Trapped in the hands of time,
Human Potpourri

A Guilt Ridden Heart

Rat problems are quite common in North Kolkata, maybe due to the architecture that helps these rodents to enter our houses so easily. The ground floor of my house is a place , where Tyson (my dog) often goes to hunt Rats. It amuses him. my mom reported today that, since last few days she is seeing little baby mice in the 1st floor and 2nd floor too. Though previously I didn't know this.


This morning was not different than any other mornings. I woke up, got ready for work and went to have my breakfast. My mom asked me to bring her purse from her room for some reason while I was busy in breakfast table.I went to her room, took the purse and was coming back , when , I felt something under my right foot. The room was dark as the windows were all closed due to which it was difficult to see through. I switched on the light and saw the most terrible thing I could ever imagine. There lied a little baby mouse (I believe it was few hours old ) , trembling , with spilled blood all around it.


I GOT STUPEFIED!

I could not move and started crying. My daddy came, saw me and understood the situation. He gave some water to the mouse. In the meantime the mouse stopped moving.

I got scared. I could not accept the fact that this little mouse actually died because of me. I started cursing myself. Breakfast was left on the table as it was. I could not stop myself from crying. My dad wanted to console me but failed. After almost 30 minutes I left for work with a guilt ridden heart. 'Guilt' , according me is the most dangerous emotion. It eats you up from within.

Throughout the day, no matter wherever I went , whoever consoled me, I kept visualizing those trembling limbs of that little creature who died because of me. It felt paralyzing. I wanted to ask God "why did you choose me as a means to take it's life?" . I kept imagining how terrible it is for mothers who loose their children , give birth to dead babies or abort them. I kept asking God  "why did you send that little mouse to earth for few hours?" , "why did it come to earth if it was destined to go this soon?". I kept asking myself "what can I do to get rid of this pain that I'm enduring ? the pain of killing (yes killing) an innocent soul.


I presume, I shall keep looking for these answers. I don't know when or if  I'd ever get an answer.


We look for life but death gets found
Science had proven though ,
the World is round
You are not even yours , I'm not even mine.
Still looking for the stars for our life to define.
'Death is far' , says the Life and laughs
'Life is fraud' , the Death reverts 
'they're just pawns in the hands of mine'
Time comprehends through the secret sign.



O little Mouse,
Wherever you are, stay happy , stay blessed,
I hope you find your eternal peace,
I apologize for all the pain I've caused,
I hope you be , where you always wanted to be.
Amen.






With a guilt ridden heart,
Human Potpourri

The Reason, I started this Blog

Since childhood I was into diary writing, though not regularly, but I used to write whenever I was either happy or sad or felt in a different way. Somehow after High School years, I don't know why I stopped writing in my diary. Growing up accompanies 'n' number of responsibilities, frustrations and lessons of adult life. Hence, I was not an exception. In such a circumstance I almost forgot about my writing habit.

In the meantime a heartbreaking end of my love relationship acted as a catalyst . It actually made this circumstance worse. Here , I stopped behaving the way I used to . I was depressed. Being a Psychologist I had a preconceptions about what it is like to be depressed? But, this was the first time when I experienced it. It felt like the world is ending and nothing could be done regarding it. I was trying to hide under my den.

Once I read a quote somewhere ~ " You save everyone, who saves you?" . It really struck me the most during this period of time.The days were full of preoccupations and the nights were lonely and filled with insomnia. I wondered "what a psychologist needs to do during such a time?" , "shall I seek help from someone ?" .

Jeet came into my life as a boon. Jeet ( as I call him ) is a Police Officer at Indian Police Service. He is sincere , hardworking , organized , brave and above all he is a kind person that makes all the difference. Though I hate the concept of stereotyping a job-role , still I could never think of a Police officer like him. Regardless of how many differences we had within ourselves , we had more similarities that helped us to relate to each other. The thing I like the most in him , is that he never makes you feel unwanted , regardless how terribly busy he is almost all the time , he never failed to revert whenever I needed him. I think , this is what a true friend is like . I have very few friends whom I can count on during my struggle hours and most of them are my childhood friends too. Being an introvert it is very difficult to disclose yourself to another individual , though it never acted as an obstacle  for me to mingle with others due to my friendly nature. Even,  until last year I used to think that I'm an ambivert , but I guess 'Time' is the best teacher. Especially after my love relationship break-up , I went through a phase of isolation (thought it was a motivated isolation ) , which taught me so many things about myself. I discovered my true self only after I lost myself . Jeet , out of the blue within a short period of time became very close . He had wisdom, kindness , love to give whenever we talked , as he believes in the art of giving. He believes that we're born on earth to give , no matter if we get something in return or not , but it is our 'karma' to practice giving rather than receiving.

When I got to know about his blog , I was shocked. I couldn't believe that he is into writing. Later , after I went through his blog and Instagram profile , I got to know , that he was never into all this until he fell in love. I got to know what a terrible life he is living after his mother expired . No matter who you are, loosing a parent is a loss that can never be recuperated. The scar remains in you forever. In the meantime , after his mother expired he met this girl he loves , who for some of her own reasons could not reciprocate. And , this made him start writing, painting and what not. Truly, love is something that can convert a criminal to a saint, an artist to a criminal and a cop to an artist.

Jeet, is a person who has and believes in the power of speech, which indeed pulled me out of my den and gave me an assurance that there are a lot of things awaiting in the future , that 'time' is the most precious thing and hence it should be utilized properly  rather than wasting it. He is as strong as Iron with a heart of  Gold , who believes in the power of love and believes in what can happen rather than what could have happened. He inspired me to the core and don't know how he did it, but he brought me back from the dead.

This is how I resumed into writing and finally , to my surprise I started this blog.


“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”

In a planet in dearth of 'friends' like this , a woman with 'luck'
Human Potpourri

Esteem needs?

Since the time I grew an emerging interest in Psychology , I often questioned it's various theories in order to validate it (something , that I've been doing since childhood , about everything). As they say, I have a knack for logical reasoning and inferring relationships , any gap in the knowledge upset me to great extents . It's like something or other have to stimulate my grey cells constantly , otherwise the universe will confront an obvious disequilibrium.  

One such gap in knowledge occurred , when I learned the Maslow's Hierarchy for the first time. Remember Maslow's Hierarchy? Which says, each human being goes through a number of needs (primary to secondary and finally, tertiary ) to reach one's full potential that comprises of highest level of motivation. According to this theory , self actualization is the ultimate need. 'What a man can be, he must be^' this quotation forms the basis of this need. And , to achieve this highest form of need one must not only meet but, master earlier forms of need . They are ~ Physiological need, safety needs, love and belonging and esteem needs respectively. Maslow believed, one must meet an earlier need to achieve the next. Here, my confusion occurred!

I've known people, who are highly motivated in their occupational setup and doing quite well , but, at the end of the day live lonely lives. Some of them, don't have friends, some don't have family , some are the victims of loss of love, while few have a combination of all these together. Regardless this fact , they are highly competent and focused to their work goals. I often wonder, how their esteem needs can be so high , where, they are still struggling with their search for love and belongingness . With this, I recall a memory of a dinner party , that took place years ago , where, I saw this professor of mine (he is a sheer genius in his field of work and holds great recognition and prestige ) in a corner of the dining area , eating on his own.

Yet again, we should remember that 'beauty stands in the eye of the beholder' i.e. everything on Earth is based on perspective. Hence, it may be possible that , they are still striving for their love and belonging needs through their fight to reach the mountains of occupational success as, this will yield them more acceptance by the society, where they will find love. Maybe, it's our shortcoming , that, we with our bare eyes , are unable to see their suffering which mislead us to interpret as their fight for self esteem.
 


More love to them,
Human Potpourri

 

The Difference

We, women believe in the power over our men. We, believe that , because they love us, they would do anything for us. But, the fact is that , though they love us, they love other things more, their notion of honor, of loyalty towards their own gender , of reputation, which is more important for them than our suffering. They would avenge us later , but only when, they would feel that the circumstances would bring them heroic fame. A woman doesn't think that way , she is , hence way too different than a man , when she loves!

With love, a woman of this age

Human Potpourri

Reminder : The best friend was once an enemy , the enemy , a camouflaged Friend!

As we grow up in life , we meet different people. People who befriend with us , people who compete with us , people who love us , people who hate us , people who help us , people whom we help , people who can save you and finally people who can kill you.

You being a kind person, many a times would confront people who will be self centered. They will stick to you like a leach with a purpose, until it's finally met. Who will be an enemy , in the face of a friend .

You should not feel sorry for helping these people who disregard you after they have gained from you. Such people always did exist and they will continue to exist . But this should not bother you, cause you do things that defines you , that makes you who you are. Bothering about these mere beings and feeling sorry for about yourself would probably change the meaning of why you help people and what drives you to empower others. Life is about making choices and hence you choose to do things that makes you who you are . Those misusing it , would be the fools left with nothing, cause I believe , every gain will be followed by a loss and every loss will end up gaining something. So, it's their misfortune that they couldn't sustain you.

Feel sorry for them , not yourself!

With caution a woman of this age,
Human Potpourri

A woman , A friend!

I have always discarded the concept of 'best friends'. I believe , calling someone our best friend is actually disregarding other friends. Friend , such a small word with so many emotions. A friend can come from anywhere, any background, any age , here the feeling matters not the attributes. And most of the time a friend is found when it is most unexpected. For me calling someone my Friend has always been enough. Because if I'm calling you my friend, I really consider you as one. I don't like calling an acquaintance a friend or a friend as 'close' because , a friend has to be close enough to be your partner . Ain't it? And the concept of 'fake friends' go above my understanding as I perceive it as an oxymoron!

I came to know Monideepa through my workplace. Though the first time we met was not that smooth , still , somehow we managed to move each other to an extent beyond friendship goals. After my hardcore breakup with two women from the past I was quite reluctant with forming any emotional bond with any other woman. The fact is finding a female 'friend' in this decade is truly a challenge , due to the jealous nature of some.

Monideepa Di, as I call her always had that sister's concern in her eyes and motherly warmth in her voice. She is a sheer example of Dance and Quick wit . I love the way she pampers me at times while supports me like a rock when I stumble. A hard-working woman who is devoted , obedient and curious to learn. But , what I like the most about her is her childlike heart , pure and filled with raw emotions.

Today, was the last day of her work with me . She changed the workplace , for which ofcourse I'm one of the happiest person that finally she has taken a step towards her dream. On the other hand it felt weird that from tomorrow I'll not be able to see her everyday. The connection will be there indeed but those gossips against your boss , those endless food parades , those stress buster laughing session in the mid of work pressure , those meetings over 'chai' and samosa will never come back.

Still, at the end of the day people who matter to you will be with you , no matter where they are. I will always be thankful to her for changing my preconception about emotional investments upon another woman , whom I can call my 'friend' .

More power to her,
Human potpourri

Light!

I'm the light to guide you through darkness. The light , that you need the most at this point of life. Though I have to burn , in order to produce this light , I burn every now and then . I burn day and night. Every second of burning has become a habit of mine. So, take this light and go on. Let my striving not get wasted. Let my wounds of burn feel that , something worthy is being produced out of their sacrifice. Let the light within me serve it's purpose. Cause, I shall burn either way, if you choose the light or not.


Choice is yours.